Long time ago when we was fab

So are you back? Back where it all began?
Back to your place and to our place, where we set the air ablaze with feelings and passion?

Can you really feel ok without me, without the man you love?

Dream

My joy and happiness were supposed to begin in 5-10 days.
She should have come back.
All that I have left are memories.

New Year...?

Despite the infinite bad luck I had this year, maybe one thing is going fine: my art.

And Karma made me meet an extremely competent and caring, altough harder than Sgr. Hartman, Makeup Artist, who took me under her wing and is teaching me a whole lot of things that no academy would even try to.

So, next step - Academy. Four months of intense training. Four months of hellish schedule matching my work hours. Four months to give me what I still need to become a true photographer, not an average pro only.

First step towards the TRUE top.

Wish me luck, World. One joy, at least, among so much suffering, is not too much to ask for, I think.

doubts

What should I think?
What should I do? 

Note

Write, damn it, write!

Only one word is left for me to say

Why?

Infinity

And I wait
Till I cannot hear the clock no more
Endless hours
Just waiting for your words
I've been waiting way too long

I don't want to wait
Another life to be with you
Yet I can't help it, I keep yearning
For words that will not come

Haunted

So many months have gone by, so many people I've met...

I thought it would help.

I went back to work after an 8-months leave.

I thought it would help.

Yet all I can think about is that I wanted to spend some of this time with her.

I still miss her. Despite her behaviour, despite her anger, despite her terrible words, despite her arrogance, despite the million defects she has, despite the distance, despite the language, despite so many cultural differences.

I still dream her. Often. Too often.

She could see me. She could have me back. She didn't want to, simple.
I wish I had a solution. Yet I can't see it, if there is any.

I wish she would talk to me. I wish she would.... anything.

I hope that these months would be enough to forget her, yet I was wrong.

Her beauty, her intelligence, her eyes, her hands, her voice, her wit, her class... everything is still in my heart.

And I'm almost afraid to sleep.

Illusion

If i could go back in time
So many words I'd avoid to say
Many mistakes I regret
I paid for them with all the tears I've cried

If I could go back in time
How many times I'd scold myself?
I wouldn't stand watching powerless
While I screw up my own life

I would get back to the time
When I spoke those words I shouldn't have
I would teach myself the lessons that
I've learn instead scratch by scratch on my chest

Please forgive me if you can
All of you, whom I somehow made
Angry, sad, pissed off and much more
Please try to understand
I never wanted to cause you any harm
Don't blame me for inexperience
But take my hand and lead me to a new tomorrow

Countless are those I've hurt
As many as those who hurt me
Sometimes I wish i could disappear
Erase my presence from your memories

I would get back to you all
To show you what truly lies in my head

Please forgive me if you can
All of you, whom I somehow made
Angry, sad, pissed off and much more
Please try to understand
I never wanted to cause you any harm
Don't blame me for inexperience
But take my hand and lead me to a new tomorrow

I take the blame
I take the shame
I take the blame
I take the shame.

Loop

Awake with the first rays of light

I check if you are there

I see the emptyness on my bed

I wonder if I can feel your scent

I still don't understand

What made you suddenly change your mind

About us

We were born like a perfect match, I thought

Nothing could go wrong

Now I'm scared
To take a single step

I don't want you

To run away

Music is now my only friend

The only one who understands

I stupidly write words I hope you'll read

As if they could bring you back

And I sing

Time is running
I don't want you
To forget me

I know I should move on,

But sometimes it gets just too hard

In my heart I just

Want you to come back

If it's not today

'Till tomorrow I can wait

Smiling Man Behind a Desk in a Big City

Basically a person can do some kinds of things: what he wants; what he needs to; in some cases, what others want him to do (this happens in particular cases, but definitely it's not my case now, so I'll drop this last point).
As for me, having a recent decision lost its meaning, I undid it. Now I have no clue of the consequences, we'll see, yet I think I've done what, generally speaking, was the most mature thing to do. Maybe, who knows... it'll inspire me another song. Would be good, since I'm songwriting like I never thought I could (and no, dear friends, for the time being I will try not to write maroon 5-like commercial crap, for I can't say anything about music, but surely my lyrics are way better than their bunches of spoken-and-responen words - and my music is very lyrics-based).
And now, let's get ready to face another day!

Ad Maiora.

Boston

Yeah, ok, I know... I must be the 120394619285620934860 person to write about it.
So I won't write about it directly, but about the feelings that this event caused me.
My thought goes to the victims. To all those who lost their life because of something they had no part in. Dozens of innocent people, whose only fault was to be easy victims of a war (?) wanted by others. Ironically, those others will earn money even from those people's deaths.

I'm writing because I find some inspiring words, spoken by some Mr. Ceronetti, an Italian Poet. These words are more-than-ever up-to-date now, for me personally, and for this decaying world, full of arrogant people whose only ability (?) is self-justification, maybe to quench the Conscience, in an attempt to trample the world, people, people's feelings, for their own puny personal or "group" success.
And I do not respect ANY acheivement obtained by walking on others, especially when these others are being merely and consciously used.

"Più si è uomini e più si ha orrore di un'azione compiuta (o schivata), di un pensiero, di un'intenzione avuti, che può ricacciare indietro il salutare accusatore intimo. E' diabolico, amare e giustificare ininterrottamente se stessi; è un'amputazione grave, essere privi dell'orrore di sé qualunque cosa si faccia. Senza quello non c'è più l'uomo: c'è un altro al suo posto.
Ma uomini privi di questa utile componente sono già dappertutto al lavoro nel mondo. Buona parte della storia contemporanea anonima temo sia opera di uomini di questo tipo, tutti pericolosi amputati" (Ceronetti).

Ad Maiora.

Sleepless

Probably I should force myself to go to bed. But, hell, I cannot.
So many things are racing through my head right now, that I'm not even able to sort thoughts out correctly.
Yet, I feel that everything is clearer to my mind than to most people's.
But spring and come, and despite the hard times, the sun is bringing me happiness.
I have made lots of nice plans: photoshootings, workshops, and a two-week full time drawing and painting seminar. I'm very thrilled.
Music classes are going well, and my voice is developing unexpectedly! So much that I decided to "bapthize" my band's genre "Operock" :-)
It started as a challenge, but hell... singing like a pro is fun! Never had so much voice!
So that's another path I could take (I can almost imagine me teaching Opera singing in Tokyo!!!).

I have great friends, and if it's true that you can judge a person by his or her own friends, well, I don't think I could be judged any better! My three Stars Silvia, Paola and Gloria are wonderful, sweet, smart and caring. I shouldn't be the one to say it, but I'm really a lucky and a great man. My qualities heavily outnumber my defects.
Poor Silvia... Never saw her crying like the other day. Fortunately I had enough stamina to drive there. Turned out a pleasant night, with red wine and beer and sweets a-plenty.
Gym is also going very fine, my legs are stronger and stronger, and I am thinner and thinner.
I like it!
It seems like finally Morpheus has come, so I wish you all goodnight, my five readers.

Here We Go Again

Ham, mortadella, salame, bread: check. Wine: check. Sleeping bag: check. Guitar: check. Money: check. Destination: Imperia. I'm on a mission from Chuck. I just cannot leave a friend alone and suffering. Especially when we're talking about my best friend ever. Especially after she spent hours cheering me up.
I flew 4500 Kms to be with my gf when she needed my presence, and would do it again and again. I can surely drive 250 kms for a dear friend.
Go, Andre!

Update: THE SEA!

Update: Damn...

Update: well, the situation isn't pleasant, but it was nice to talk and laugh like when we were in Milano, when she still lived there. A terrace, the sea, beers, and well... everything looks better.
This has been a horrible month. Hard times for everyone. But well, I thank life for giving me such wonderful friends. I'm sure that, if they could, they'd have done the same for me.
And now.... breakfast ^^

We are both sad.... but being sad together somehow feels weirdly good :D

Fortuna

Well, so here we are. This time I have been really afraid. Seems like excess of activity, distress, sa times and my usual high pressure finally combined to warn me and tell me to take it easy.
Of course, while being cured, they needed a Polish-Italian interpreter... Guess who was it?
Well... Get up Andrea. Taking it easy doesn't mean slacking off!

Update: you really understand how fragile we are, when you hear an old, very old man, in pain, crying out "mommy, mommy!". The pain and sorrow I felt for him was greater than anything else I was physically feeling. I will never forget it.
Good luck old man. You know it not, yet you did teach me something.

Music

It might sound stupid, but well... Thank you music. If I didn't have you, I would drown.
As a matter of fcat, this morning I thought I would write down a song I had in my head... Turning out to be a half-symphony, Pink Floyd style (with all due differences).
Let's get back to it!

Spring

So FINALLY spring seems to be among us! Trees are blooming, flowers too, the temperature is way above 10°C already, with peaks of 21° (!) today!
I love when it gets warmer. It gives me both some peace of mind and an incredible amount of energy. Well, being off from work helps, but still!
A new cycle begins, and I will not miss the occasion to use it as much as I can singing, studying, taking pics and so on! Didn't think my voice would improve so much in two months only, gives me more strength to keep up the good job (and singing is no joke!).
I can't wait for the weather to be stable, so I can finally forget about my car and ride my bike 24/7!
It's surprising how important the sun is! It just makes everything better!!! And especially now, I am really enjoying using this help to boost my morale and energy!
Well, one can say everything about Italy, but not that it's not a beautiful Country!
Can't wait for Mother Nature to show up in all her multi-coloured might!
And now, my dear readers, I think I bored you enough, so off to the gym I go!
Welcome, Spring!

Satisfaction

Well, true or not... When someome comments that one of your songs is a masterpiece... It feels SOOOO GOOOD xD

Moonlight

Sweet memories, thank you, you ease this bitter taste better than anything else.

Baby play :-)

Happiness is when your 2 1/2 years old "niece" decides to play by jumping backward and falling with her butt on your belly, each and every time falling onward and laughing like no tomorrow :-)