giovedì 14 novembre 2013

Haunted

So many months have gone by, so many people I've met...

I thought it would help.

I went back to work after an 8-months leave.

I thought it would help.

Yet all I can think about is that I wanted to spend some of this time with her.

I still miss her. Despite her behaviour, despite her anger, despite her terrible words, despite her arrogance, despite the million defects she has, despite the distance, despite the language, despite so many cultural differences.

I still dream her. Often. Too often.

She could see me. She could have me back. She didn't want to, simple.
I wish I had a solution. Yet I can't see it, if there is any.

I wish she would talk to me. I wish she would.... anything.

I hope that these months would be enough to forget her, yet I was wrong.

Her beauty, her intelligence, her eyes, her hands, her voice, her wit, her class... everything is still in my heart.

And I'm almost afraid to sleep.

venerdì 20 settembre 2013

Illusion

If i could go back in time
So many words I'd avoid to say
Many mistakes I regret
I paid for them with all the tears I've cried

If I could go back in time
How many times I'd scold myself?
I wouldn't stand watching powerless
While I screw up my own life

I would get back to the time
When I spoke those words I shouldn't have
I would teach myself the lessons that
I've learn instead scratch by scratch on my chest

Please forgive me if you can
All of you, whom I somehow made
Angry, sad, pissed off and much more
Please try to understand
I never wanted to cause you any harm
Don't blame me for inexperience
But take my hand and lead me to a new tomorrow

Countless are those I've hurt
As many as those who hurt me
Sometimes I wish i could disappear
Erase my presence from your memories

I would get back to you all
To show you what truly lies in my head

Please forgive me if you can
All of you, whom I somehow made
Angry, sad, pissed off and much more
Please try to understand
I never wanted to cause you any harm
Don't blame me for inexperience
But take my hand and lead me to a new tomorrow

I take the blame
I take the shame
I take the blame
I take the shame.

martedì 28 maggio 2013

Loop


Awake with the first rays of light
I check if you are there
I see the emptyness on my bed
I wonder if I can feel your scent

I still don't understand
What made you suddenly change your mind
About us
We were born like a perfect match, I thought
Nothing could go wrong

Now I'm scared
To take a single step
I don't want you
To run away

Music is now my only friend
The only one who understands
I stupidly write words I hope you'll read
As if they could bring you back

And I sing
Time is running
I don't want you
To forget me

I know I should move on,
But sometimes it gets just too hard
In my heart I just
Want you to come back
If it's not today
'Till tomorrow I can wait


mercoledì 17 aprile 2013

Smiling Man Behind a Desk in a Big City

Basically a person can do some kinds of things: what he wants; what he needs to; in some cases, what others want him to do (this happens in particular cases, but definitely it's not my case now, so I'll drop this last point).
As for me, having a recent decision lost its meaning, I undid it. Now I have no clue of the consequences, we'll see, yet I think I've done what, generally speaking, was the most mature thing to do. Maybe, who knows... it'll inspire me another song. Would be good, since I'm songwriting like I never thought I could (and no, dear friends, for the time being I will try not to write maroon 5-like commercial crap, for I can't say anything about music, but surely my lyrics are way better than their bunches of spoken-and-responen words - and my music is very lyrics-based).
And now, let's get ready to face another day!

Ad Maiora.

martedì 16 aprile 2013

Boston

Yeah, ok, I know... I must be the 120394619285620934860 person to write about it.
So I won't write about it directly, but about the feelings that this event caused me.
My thought goes to the victims. To all those who lost their life because of something they had no part in. Dozens of innocent people, whose only fault was to be easy victims of a war (?) wanted by others. Ironically, those others will earn money even from those people's deaths.

I'm writing because I find some inspiring words, spoken by some Mr. Ceronetti, an Italian Poet. These words are more-than-ever up-to-date now, for me personally, and for this decaying world, full of arrogant people whose only ability (?) is self-justification, maybe to quench the Conscience, in an attempt to trample the world, people, people's feelings, for their own puny personal or "group" success.
And I do not respect ANY acheivement obtained by walking on others, especially when these others are being merely and consciously used.


"Più si è uomini e più si ha orrore di un'azione compiuta (o schivata), di un pensiero, di un'intenzione avuti, che può ricacciare indietro il salutare accusatore intimo. E' diabolico, amare e giustificare ininterrottamente se stessi; è un'amputazione grave, essere privi dell'orrore di sé qualunque cosa si faccia. Senza quello non c'è più l'uomo: c'è un altro al suo posto.
Ma uomini privi di questa utile componente sono già dappertutto al lavoro nel mondo. Buona parte della storia contemporanea anonima temo sia opera di uomini di questo tipo, tutti pericolosi amputati" (Ceronetti).


Ad Maiora.

giovedì 11 aprile 2013

Sleepless

Probably I should force myself to go to bed. But, hell, I cannot.
So many things are racing through my head right now, that I'm not even able to sort thoughts out correctly.
Yet, I feel that everything is clearer to my mind than to most people's.
But spring and come, and despite the hard times, the sun is bringing me happiness.
I have made lots of nice plans: photoshootings, workshops, and a two-week full time drawing and painting seminar. I'm very thrilled.
Music classes are going well, and my voice is developing unexpectedly! So much that I decided to "bapthize" my band's genre "Operock" :-)
It started as a challenge, but hell... singing like a pro is fun! Never had so much voice!
So that's another path I could take (I can almost imagine me teaching Opera singing in Tokyo!!!).

I have great friends, and if it's true that you can judge a person by his or her own friends, well, I don't think I could be judged any better! My three Stars Silvia, Paola and Gloria are wonderful, sweet, smart and caring. I shouldn't be the one to say it, but I'm really a lucky and a great man. My qualities heavily outnumber my defects.
Poor Silvia... Never saw her crying like the other day. Fortunately I had enough stamina to drive there. Turned out a pleasant night, with red wine and beer and sweets a-plenty.
Gym is also going very fine, my legs are stronger and stronger, and I am thinner and thinner.
I like it!
It seems like finally Morpheus has come, so I wish you all goodnight, my five readers.

sabato 6 aprile 2013

Here We Go Again

Ham, mortadella, salame, bread: check. Wine: check. Sleeping bag: check. Guitar: check. Money: check. Destination: Imperia. I'm on a mission from Chuck. I just cannot leave a friend alone and suffering. Especially when we're talking about my best friend ever. Especially after she spent hours cheering me up.
I flew 4500 Kms to be with my gf when she needed my presence, and would do it again and again. I can surely drive 250 kms for a dear friend.
Go, Andre!

Update: THE SEA!

Update: Damn...

Update: well, the situation isn't pleasant, but it was nice to talk and laugh like when we were in Milano, when she still lived there. A terrace, the sea, beers, and well... everything looks better.
This has been a horrible month. Hard times for everyone. But well, I thank life for giving me such wonderful friends. I'm sure that, if they could, they'd have done the same for me.
And now.... breakfast ^^

We are both sad.... but being sad together somehow feels weirdly good :D

giovedì 4 aprile 2013

Fortuna

Well, so here we are. This time I have been really afraid. Seems like excess of activity, distress, sa times and my usual high pressure finally combined to warn me and tell me to take it easy.
Of course, while being cured, they needed a Polish-Italian interpreter... Guess who was it?
Well... Get up Andrea. Taking it easy doesn't mean slacking off!

Update: you really understand how fragile we are, when you hear an old, very old man, in pain, crying out "mommy, mommy!". The pain and sorrow I felt for him was greater than anything else I was physically feeling. I will never forget it.
Good luck old man. You know it not, yet you did teach me something.

mercoledì 3 aprile 2013

Music

It might sound stupid, but well... Thank you music. If I didn't have you, I would drown.
As a matter of fcat, this morning I thought I would write down a song I had in my head... Turning out to be a half-symphony, Pink Floyd style (with all due differences).
Let's get back to it!

martedì 2 aprile 2013

Spring

So FINALLY spring seems to be among us! Trees are blooming, flowers too, the temperature is way above 10°C already, with peaks of 21° (!) today!
I love when it gets warmer. It gives me both some peace of mind and an incredible amount of energy. Well, being off from work helps, but still!
A new cycle begins, and I will not miss the occasion to use it as much as I can singing, studying, taking pics and so on! Didn't think my voice would improve so much in two months only, gives me more strength to keep up the good job (and singing is no joke!).
I can't wait for the weather to be stable, so I can finally forget about my car and ride my bike 24/7!
It's surprising how important the sun is! It just makes everything better!!! And especially now, I am really enjoying using this help to boost my morale and energy!
Well, one can say everything about Italy, but not that it's not a beautiful Country!
Can't wait for Mother Nature to show up in all her multi-coloured might!
And now, my dear readers, I think I bored you enough, so off to the gym I go!
Welcome, Spring!

Satisfaction

Well, true or not... When someome comments that one of your songs is a masterpiece... It feels SOOOO GOOOD xD

sabato 30 marzo 2013

giovedì 28 marzo 2013

Baby play :-)

Happiness is when your 2 1/2 years old "niece" decides to play by jumping backward and falling with her butt on your belly, each and every time falling onward and laughing like no tomorrow :-)

domenica 24 marzo 2013

Completely incomplete


A hundred kilometres left

I wish that they could last forever

You caught me looking at your eyes
I should have been a little stealthier

Eighty kilometers left
I see your smile, so lost in your thoughts
Then suddenly we start to sing
A duet of songs we both don't know

And I drive on and on
While the sunset light shines so soft
I didn't think it could happen so fast
****************************.

Fifty kilometres left
Still laughing like two little children
Still burning for each single touch
Still looking at each other shyly

Twenty kilometres left
The sun's already far behind us
You sleep, still smelling like the sea
That little smile's still shining on your face

And tonight, when we're home
I will open up my heart
I stand so still
And I shiver so hard
While I tell you the words
***************

Not a centimeter left
And no distance at all between us
No words are needed anymore
Each single kiss is screaming out loud
***************

mercoledì 20 marzo 2013

Evening

And so the sun is slowly, quietly setting. It's Not raining anymore. My day hasn't finished, though, and my feet and ankles hurt and are bruised by too much walking. The golden sunset light makes me thoughtful and a little gloomy, maybe bitter. It's been quite a hard day: I woke up at half past five or so, had a chat, then studied like no tomorrow -maybe lost the data also, but nevermind-, then hospital to meet my dear aunt-mother, then university, and then again hospital -going there now actually. Then maybe a bite home, then rehearsals, and then, finally, SLEEP. Seems quite a deadly day. But I don't mind. I am on leave from work, and I am astonished by how better I feel every day. I have enough energy to do all this, and even more. I am very glad to be busy this way, actually. It just scares me to realize  how much health and time my job cost me. I haven't worked for almost two weeks now, and I feel every day better and better. Can't say things are perfect, but I feel a tiny bit optimistic. Freakin' scared, also, by the choices I could take. Yet, I know that I must focus on myself, without wasting a single second.
I just wish I had more "fixed" points, more certainties. I have myself only. Oh what the hell, this is more than enough!

The sun has dropped, and the sky is deep-blue now, the typical beautiful infinite after-rain deep blue. Damn, I haven't got my camera with me.... Nevermind.
I could spend hours, lost in this sky. There, I am sure, I would find some inner peace.

F.u.c.k.

Well, let's just say that my hormones are quite going crazy today.
Damn xD

Feeling in the rain (unfinished)

Rain falling like teardrops from the sky
One could think that angels cry
For all these lives fading away

I take them one by one on my face
Cold and piercing like an arrow's point
Wishing them to
quench this burning hell inside

Or simply freeze my consciousness
I never wanted to know
I didn't ask to understand
Nor to have a heart


One by one we end up all alone
Rotting into our true mother's womb
Leaving memories and our tomb

I see zombies endlessly wasting time
Hurting others 'till the day they die
Using and abusing them, never satisfied


Oh please, just kill my perceptions
I don't want, I never wanted to see
I didn't ask to realize
Somebody stop my brain.



mercoledì 6 marzo 2013

What is, and what should never be.

Woman
If you hurt a man, if you rape his heart,
If you manipulate his inner feelings,
If you ignore him, if you step on him,
If you use him, if you lie to him,
You're not emancipated, you're not cool
You're just a bitch.

Man
If you hurt a woman, cheat on her, use her as a housekeeper, lie to her, give her for granted, don't listen to her needs, and ultimately beat her, having no arguments to answer to her questions,

Well, man, you're not cool, you're not a Macho Man.  You're a criminal. And a loser.

lunedì 4 marzo 2013

Time After Time

No matter how hard
No matter how long
No matter if right
No matter if wrong

Whether you survive
Your head keeping straight
Or you're defeated
And you have to bend,

Each single day
Always comes to an end.

lunedì 25 febbraio 2013

Lux

It's me and myself again
Walking on a thread above this loneliness
Oh yeah

It's me and myself again
Thinking and re-thinking 'bout the words you said
Oh yeah

And while my brain tries
To justify it all
The facts are all shouting
That I should be off

I think I'll take time
To think it over

It's me and myself again
Tangled in a lesson that I never learn

I wonder, while the sky turns grey
I sit and pray
That my choices won't lead me to my own dismay

Now you come back and you dare to ask
Why not to cry I have to put on a mask

Why don't you take time
To think it over

I tried to listen to your reasons, none was enough
Now you're telling me that i have to be tough?

Guess there's no reason
to think it over
anymore
Think it over
anymore
Think it over
anymore

giovedì 21 febbraio 2013

Higher

A room, a lonely table,
I sit down
And fill my stomach while the snow
Keeps falling
Covering the roads
In shiny white
'Till the glittering sun
Will blind me
Then I'll fly away
To unknown places
Above the sky
Away from time
No longer hindered by this body
No longer feeling pain
From my heart

I see the covered rooftops,
And then the hills,
Until I'm way above
The mountaintops
Wandering like a cloud
And I don't know
Where the wind will care to bring me.

venerdì 18 gennaio 2013

giovedì 17 gennaio 2013

From Sunrise to Sunset

Empty holes
On a gaping heart
Soul in pieces
falls apart
Gathering strength
Just to stand up
Live through
Tomorrow

Raging inside
This silver scream
Knowing it's not
A bad dream
Covered up
I walk outside
And while I walk
I cry

And as a gust of wind blows
Shivers down my spine
Tell me oh, too softly,
Something I don't want to know

Flowers roasting quietly
Indifferent as I cry
They wouldn't know the pain I feel
a-knowing that you're
Forever gone
Forever gone

Walking In indifference
All my body ah so tense
Children laughing everywhere
What's all this joy about?

Envying all this happiness
Cursing every day
Crickets singing endlessly
While the sun
Fades away

And as a gust of wind blows
Shivers down my spine
Tell me oh, too softly,
Something I don't want to know

Flowers roasting quietly
Indifferent as I cry
They wouldn't know the pain I feel
a-knowing that you're
Forever gone
Forever gone

sabato 12 gennaio 2013

Drunk - II

Lonely, empty walls
Only witnesses of a man
Who falls
Prey of his fears
His anguish,
His badly hidden tears

Everyone is gone
Leaving only empty chairs
And glasses to wash
While the only thing
He thinks about
Is the missing One


giovedì 3 gennaio 2013

Drunk


It's me and myself again
walking on a thread above this loneliness
oh yeah

It's me and myself again
Tangled in a lesson that I never learn
Oh yeah

I stand alone watching the view
from this lonely terrace
Silent while i drink
I slowly cry and think that

it's me and myself again
fighting off this feeling
that I am inadequate

leaving my own body
flying with my mind above the rooftops and
the sea

And i should feel no less than what you are
while I think you from afar
And I wonder what I could do
to get me closer to you

A labyrinth of things
trying to take out
this sense of paranoia of
being under what you would want me to be

It's me and myself again
Thinking and re-thinging evey word you said
oh yeah

drowsy is the night
only gusts of wind emit the noise I hear
Oh yeah


Making up a way to make it through
another day

And one glass after the other
my thoughts wonder afar
with a mix of envy, admiration
and much more

Fighting with myself
to be so glad for you
While it brings me images
of the occasion I've failed

There are words of love and trust
I would really do what I must
I must fight this feeling
that it's so too late for everything

A breeze is touching me
caring im'ges of the sea
calling me to do all that I've
already wanted to

It's me and myself again
Trying to be worth of no one
but myself.